Happy Father's Day

I guess I was in a certain mood the other day for a certain reason.  I knew father's day was approaching but when I posted my last blog it was not on my mind.   This morning my heart is a little heavy because this world has designated this day to be a day of celebration of fathers and mine is no longer here on earth for me to celebrate.  So instead of this day being a day of celebration for me it is usually a day of mourning.  How can I change that?

I know I had a great dad.  He loved me and he didn't have to tell me for me to know.  He showed it in every way.  He was not a perfect man.  He made mistakes and those mistakes affected the lives of those around him such as me, my brother, and my sister.  I used to be very angry about it.  I even blamed God, but that anger turned to bitterness and then to a sadness every fathers day. 

This year I started this day off with a prayer.  I prayed for a heart of thankfulness.  Instead of lingering on the fact that my dad is no longer here on this earth, I will celebrate the fact that I had an opportunity to have a wonderful father and think about all of the great memories he left me.

That simple prayer has already changed the atmosphere of this day.

I truly love my father and I wish that he was here with me and my family, but for what ever reason God has chosen to take him home to be with him.  I have to believe that God has His reasons and I'm okay with whatever it is. 

In the absence of my earthly father, I have had no choice but to turn to my spiritual father (GOD) for guidance on things I probably would never have done.  I look back and thank God simply for that because my life has turned out for the best.

My kids will never know my father on earth they can only look at pictures and listen to my stories and when their older visit his grave, but my spiritual father they will surely know and I pray they will have an even stronger relationship than I ever have.  That is the greatest inheritance that I can ever leave to them. 

Who Am I.

A question that I asked myself very early in life.  It seems that I have always been looking for something.  Asking questions about life and love and what is the meaning of it all.  And then I met God.  He introduced himself to me at the tender age of 14.  It was a time when I needed him very much.  I lost my father at 12 and things changed in my life.  I had always made good grades in school, after that my grades dropped.  I was never really interested in boys but after that I noticed them.  I was looking for something or someone to fill a void in my life.  An indescribable emptiness that only God could feel.  I remember feeling so sad and then getting so angry at God, wondering why He would take a way a very important person in my life before I ever had the chance to appreciate him.

I used to talk to God through tears telling Him how much I needed my father and his wisdom.  I began to blame all of my failed relationship on the fact that my father was taken out of my life.  But then one day when I stopped talking and actually began to learn how to listen to God he told me that HE was the best father I could ever hope for.  That HE would be the example for me to follow.  And that if I would just follow HIS instruction for my life I would be fine regardless.  That day I was released from chains that the devil had on my life for so many years. 

It is true God is our greatest example.  The bible tells us that men will fail us and to not put our trust in them but to always trust God.  A few years ago I was being interviewed by a reporter about my magazine.  When she heard my thoughts on women and self-esteem and when I told her that my father had passed away when I was very young she said that she was shocked to learn I had turned out the way I did. She began to quote statistics of women and young girls in my situations and how the world says that they will turn out. Well she must not know my GOD because with HIM all things are possible.

I give God all the praise and glory because without HIM I would NOT be who I am today.  God has saved me from so many things.  I am not perfect by far, but I know without a shadow of a doubt that without his wisdom, grace & mercy, and love I would be in a different place in my life.

I Am so many things through God.  I am more than a conqueror.  I am a city that sits upon a hill that cannot be hidden.  I am the light of the world.  I am who God says that I am.

Confidence

CONFIDENCE IS KEY

II Timothy 1:7

For God has NOT given us a spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

 

this is me on the front page of the florida times union metro section...happy times:)



Does fear equal confidence.  If you are afraid of something does that mean you are not confident?  I used to think so until I learned that everyone is afraid of something.  The difference is that not everyone allows their fear to swallow them whole.  So now, I use my fear as a driving force to do what needs to be accomplished.  I have a big project ahead of me.  It is new territory for me so I am afraid.  It's the unknown and I'm sure we all have had monents in our life where we've wondered "what if I fail?"  What if I fall flat on my face?

As a single woman I feel that this is where a good husband would come in handy because he would be a source of encouragement.  That little push over the edge because he would be sure that I will land on my feet.  But I dont have that right now, so like David in the Bible I am on here writing to you, but encouraging myself for the challenges that lay ahead. 

What I feel God wants me to get out of this is this: I am guessing that even when I get married (someday soon God please...lol) there will still be days where I may have to rely soley on God's strength even though I have a husband.  Likewise so will he, but if I learn to depend on God now, rather he (my husband) is there for me or not (mentally, spiritually, emotionally) I will still be fine:)