#babymommachronicles

Define the Relationship!

In every relationship there comes a time when you have to define the relationship...right?  Even between friends there's this pressure that comes at a certain point where you feel the need to say what we are between each other.  Sometimes the pressure doesn't come from the two most important people involved---the people in the relationship.  Sometimes the pressure comes from outside sources--friends, family, co-workers, neighbors, church members.  

When you see a man and a woman together---people just wanna know...are you dating, engaged, married, friends with benefits...what?

When your dealing with your child's father there is the large grey area.  For whatever reason, you are not together.  The reasons vary.  It could be that the two of you grew apart, you didn't get along, someone was unfaithful, whatever the case may be you both have determined that as of right now, a relationship is not for you.  However, you have this beautiful baby that constantly and continuously brings you both together.

Enter trouble?

Me and my third son's father have decided to co-parent.  I never even knew this was an option before now and to be honest it's pretty scary because we are faced with a lot of situations that we have to work through that normal single parents don't.

SO..on top of all the things we have to deal with on a daily between ourselves I'm finding that explaining what we are and who we are to each other (to everyone's satisfaction) is another thing we have to worry about.

We've talked and talked and finally came to an understanding, and everything for the most part has been fine but every time we are out together for what ever reason (we work together as well) people want to understand the dynamics of our relationship.

If I simply state that we are co-parenting that seems to not be enough for them.  They need explanations on all levels.  It's exhausting.

I won't lie and say that I'm totally happy and satisfied with the direction our relationship has gone...in fact I'll make it very clear..I'm not!  With that being said, we are where we are and I have decided to not let it break me.  One moment in my life does not define me.  I'm actually excited about where we are now and how well we both have handled this entire situation.  It could always be a lot worse!

The added pressure of explanations and definitions that I constantly have to give people sometimes feels like pouring salt on an open wound.  When people ask me where we stand in our relationship and I have to explain everything it makes me re-live the pain and heartbreak portion of our relationship.  But the pain and heartbreak is just that--a portion---of our relationship.  It does not define it.

I had to--for my sanity--make a decision to not let a moment in my life destroy my future.  And more importantly ruin the relationship my son would share with his father (been there, done that)!

SO, after much thought, prayer and discussions with my closest friends and family I have decided to tell anyone that thinks they need to know the dynamics of me and my son's father relationship to MIND THEIR OWN BUSINESS!

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POST #1

So, I'm single.  I'm saved.  But I have three baby daddies.  I already hear ya'll thoughts: "She ain't saved."  "She's a hoe, a Jezebel, easy, sad, has low self-esteem...(dot, dot, dot)! But slow your road! You don't know me like that.  You don't know me at all!

I luv God. Lol.  But seriously, I do love God.  I actually have a genuine relationship with God and like all other relationships...it's not perfect.  I entered into it all excited, blushing from the warm feeling I got.  I had high hopes.  High and selfish hopes of getting my way all the time and everything being perfect all the time.  But like all relationships that was not the case and very disappointing.

I'm a long way from being that person today.  Today I recognize the fact that being saved does not equal being perfect.  I'm not perfect and I never will be.  These are honestly words that I have to tell myself everyday in order to make it through the day.  I have to remind myself daily that I am forgiven, loved and not condemned.  I have to remind myself to forgive ME of all the things that I've done wrong.  And I also have to accept the choices and decisions I've made in my life that have made me who I am.

So, who am I?  Well, I'm a woman, I'm a mother and I am loved by the most high, the one and only living God!  I may not get it all right but I'm definitely not getting it all wrong.

I have two...wow!  Scratch that...three beautiful boys who are 14 (Kenny), 12 (William aka BJ), and ten months (Ronnie my puddin).  I love them so much, its too much for me to think about some times how much I love them.  My relationship with them has definitely helped me understand my relationship with God on a more personal level.  I understand how God doesn't give us everything we want because I don't give them everything they want, but its never because I don't love them.  Everything I do for them is out of love, even when they don't like it or understand it.  

Sometimes I'll catch myself yelling at them about something and realize that the same thing I'm chastising them about is the same thing God has to chastise me about.  I'll even reconsider my punishment because I realize I've gotten away with a lot.  God has been merciful on me so I extend that grace and mercy to them. 

To Be Continued...